Kittens and Candy Floss
by TheLyricsAreMyStory
Summary: Following their marriage, the idea of children is quick to play on both Carla and Nick's minds, but it's not going to be as simple as it may seem.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1:**

 _ **Dedicated to Ella Hughes for helping me kick start this fic! New Narla baby fiction with a bit of a twist on it! Hope you like it, I will also be writing my second Love You Like A Sister fanfic as I do this one xx**_

"Beth, quit nattering. Sean, put your phone away. Izzy, this isn't a coffee break. Kirk, this box has the wrong shipping address and Sally get back to your machine and stop pretending you have bigger jobs to complete." I order and they all huff, going back to work. I hear a set of footsteps coming up behind me as a pair of hands slide over my eyes.

"So how come we have to get back to work, but you can play around with your husband?" I hear Beth screech through the darkness.

"No point in surprise now, is there?" Nick says, removing his hands and wrapping them around my waist from behind instead.

"I wasn't aware I had a visitor, Beth." I point out before turning to look at Nick. "Sorry did you make an appointment?"

"Uh no sorry, slap on the wrist." He mimics the motion. "But you have an appointment with me later on."

"...Do we have to do this here?" I pull a face, aware that my workers were watching me eagerly.

"Dinner." He laughs and I nod in recollection. "Are you still on for seven?"

"As long as these guys cast their eyes back to knickers instead of gawping at me and you." I raise my voice slightly and Sean gives a nonchalant cough.

"I'll be casting my eyes over some knickers later too." He whispers in my ear and I brush him off. "If you play your cards right."

"Get lost, now." I grin, kissing him lightly before he walks off, not moving his eyes from mine until he was out of sight.

* * *

"Looks real romantic this." I greet Nick, slouching on the counter as I enter the Bistro. I pull a straw out of the pot and chew on it as he meets my gaze.

"You're ten minutes late." He points out, popping the cork out of a wine bottle and handing it to Steph on a tray.

"Ah, what a crime." I bite my lip seductively and he narrows his eyes at me for a few seconds.

"Come on then Mrs Tilsley." He directs me to a candle lit table in the corner of the room, pulling my chair out for me. "You're hungry then, if you feel the need to chew on that?"

"I thought you knew me well enough by now." I shrug, placing the straw down on the table. "I'm pretty sure I get through half of the ones you buy."

"Ah so it's you putting me into debt over paying for straws is it?" He reaches for my hand and squeezes it gently.

"What's mine is yours, I seem to remember." I point out and he lets out a low hum before getting distracted by a commotion behind me.

"Head down." He orders, lowering his own and I give him a weird look.

"This some sort of new emergency drill?" I frown.

"It's not a drill." He confirms. "My mother just arrived."

"Nick darling!" I wince at the sound of Gail's voice as it gets closer.

"It's some good security you've got going on there." I nod, sarcastically.

"I didn't think I would find you here." She beams at him, placing a hand firmly on my shoulder instead of greeting me in turn.

"What... In my own restaurant?" Nick raises his eyebrows.

"We were actually coming to have a meal, we may as well join you since you are here." She explains and my heart sinks.

"We?" Nick prompts as the door opens and David, Kylie, Max, Lily and Bethany enter, shortly followed by Sarah who was pushing her newborn baby; Lewis in a pram.

"...Romantic meal ey?" I hiss at Nick, despite the fact it wasn't his fault. "That lasted all of what? Two minutes before the in-laws came along."

"Mum, I'm sure Nick and Carla don't want us ruining their date." David points out as he approaches our table.

"Oh no, they don't mind." She decides for us. "Look we can add a few tables along here. Have a good old catch up."

"I tried." David mutters to the both of us.

"What is this? Some sort of family meeting?" Nick asks him, as he seats himself next to his brother.

"Family emergency." David shrugs.

"I've called you here because I've lost one of the lids off my saucepans." Gail announces and I exchange a look with Kylie, who was sat next to David. "Now one of you must have it, else I will have to interrogate Michael further."

"You know, I did hear he has a track record for stealing things." David points out and Bethany begins to laugh. "Especially saucepan lids, top of the priority list."

"Hold on, this is why we're here?" Sarah snaps, pulling out a menu.

"Look Nick, I'm not very hungry." I tell him. "I had some crisps in my meeting earlier."

"Uh, Steph?" Bethany clicks her fingers rudely as Steph comes over to us. "Chicken and chips."

"We don't do chicken and chips." Nick drones.

"Are you the waiter?" Bethany asks him.

"I'm the owner." He reminds her.

"I'm sure we can sort something out." Steph coughs awkwardly.

"Hang on a second, I haven't even looked at the menu yet." David pulls one out, aggressively as Lewis begins to wail loudly.

"Oh he'll have a steak, like he always does." Bethany sighs. "Mum will have a tuna salad, gran will have lasagne, Max will have chicken nuggets, Lily will have macaroni cheese, Kylie will have a burger or something and Carla will have a side salad because she argues she's not hungry but actually is, so she will eat most of uncle Nick's."

"And what will uncle Nick be having?" He breaks the silence as I put my head in my hands.

"That's the question I'm supposed to ask you." Steph points out.

"Have the paella." I tell him.

"I don't like paella." He reminds me.

"Yeah well tough, I do." I shrug as Steph walks away and Nick chuckles at me, before I shoot him a death glare.

* * *

"Lewis, please stop crying." Sarah begs as she tries to eat her meal, over the sound of Gail warbling on about one of her ex husbands.

"Here, let me have him." I beckon to her and I receive an array of odd looks from Nick, Sarah and David. "Well I have a free hand, don't I? What with my side salad."

"Fair enough, if you're sure." Sarah un-straps him from his carry-cot before passing him to me. I wasn't an expert with babies, but I had looked after Ryan a lot when he was younger. Granted, that was twenty years ago but still. I cup his head with my hand and move my other arm to support his back, rocking him back and forth slowly.

"Shh, it's ok." I soothe without thinking and he babbles slightly before quietening down. "There you go."

"I've been trying to do that for an hour!" Sarah exclaims, looking at me in disbelief.

"Do you have any children auntie Carla?" Bethany asks me, innocently and a wave of hurt washes over me.

"...No." I virtually whisper and I could feel Nick frozen, where he was sat opposite me.

"Maybe she will one day." Gail points out, as I look down into Lewis' gentle face, tracing my finger lightly over his soft features. I zone out all the talk that is going on around me, and think about my baby girl. This could have been me; holding my baby in my arms, hushing her when no one else could, watching her fall to sleep in the comfort of her mother.

"Maybe I will." The words escape my mouth, before daring to look at Nick, who was watching me intently, a loving look on his face. He didn't look frightened at what I had just said, instead, he looked content, taking in the image of the broken daughter, calming a child in her arms, like she never thought she could.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

"Toast." Nick presents a plate of it before me as I sit down at the kitchen unit, still in my dressing gown.

"Aren't you gonna be late?" He asks, as I break some of the crust off and pop it in my mouth.

"Ah well." I shrug and he narrows his eyes.

"You've changed since we got married." He frowns. "It's scary."

"Scary?" I laugh. "How have I changed?"

"You've just... Changed." He blushes slightly which I find extremely attractive. "But it's a good change, not that you weren't good already... And by 'good' it sounds like I'm objectifying you, which I'm honestly not because you're a very strong, independent woman, as you were back then-"

"Nick!" I hush him before getting up and draping my arms around his neck. I stare into his eyes and kiss him gently for a few seconds. "Calm it baby."

"So you're not annoyed at me then?" He raises his eyebrows. "About last night?"

"Well, granted I was a bit put out that the Platt family pulled yet another stunt and destroyed our romantic meal." I shrug. "But you did enough making up to me afterwards so."

"Ah, that's why you're in such a good mood." He clarifies and I let out a light laugh. "Now go on, get ready for work."

"I'd rather stay here." I pull a face and he kisses me again.

"Well so would I, but it wouldn't last long if we didn't go into work, because we wouldn't have the money to pay rent." He points out and I hum contently. "We would have to move in with my mother."

"Nick baby, I am never, ever, subjecting myself to staying a night in that chaos laden Tardis." I explain. "Not that I have any idea what a 'Tardis' is, but that house seems to have more bedrooms than I've had glasses of wine."

"I think you've drank more glasses of wine than the rest of the Earth's population put together so I'd say that was an invalid point." Nick shrugs and I slap him lightly on the shoulder. "Now go get ready for work! Else you'll be in the naughty corner again!"

* * *

"Evening." I call as I enter the flat, chucking my bag down on the side before throwing my arms around Nick's neck, who was sat drinking wine on the sofa.

"It is as well." He checks his watch, as I take the glass from his hands, sipping it before passing it back to him.

"Sorry I had piles of paperwork." I sigh, kissing his neck gently.

"What do you want for dinner?" He asks, flicking through the take out menus that lie on his lap. I retract my arms from around him and go to pour myself a glass of wine, before sitting down next to him. He wraps his arm around me as I study the leaflets he was holding.

"Chinese?" I shrug, as he runs his hand up and down my arm softly, it comforts me, as I lay my head on his shoulder. "What else is there, really?"

"It'll be a step up in comparison to the salad you had last night." He points out and I meet his gaze for a few seconds.

"I wasn't hungry, I told you." I curl back into him, my need for warmth intensifying.

"Well you were certainly a useful babysitter." He dares to murmur. It was a topic we had not discussed in the last twenty four hours, both of us had been too nervous to bring it up.

"...Anything to make your family like me." I shrug it off, taking a long gulp of wine. "Quite enjoyed it anyway."

"I could see that." He replies, and we sit in silence for what seems like forever, his fingers moving to play with my hair, which was relaxing despite the fact I was now on edge about the whole situation.

"...I don't know Nick." I finally whisper, and he knows exactly what I mean. He could feel me shaking against him, draining my glass of wine before attempting to reach for the bottle again, but he takes it from me, along with the glass.

"You don't need that." He soothes, taking my hand and squeezing it gently. "You have no need what so ever to start pushing the self destruct button tonight. We can change topic, just relax. Ok? It's my fault for bringing it up."

"Sorry." I say and he lifts my chin with his finger, kissing me gently before moving his forehead against mine. I look into his eyes; soft and caring and loving. Nick loved me, so much. What was there to be afraid about? Why was I pushing the idea away, when we were so able? I had finally found happiness, at last and I was still scared. Fearful and yet I had a man before me who made that all disappear. He would protect me, he would let me lead, he would do whatever made me happy. "...I want a baby."

I said it.

It was out there.

The words had fallen from my mouth.

But again, he doesn't look scared or confused or shocked. Instead, he cups my face with his hand, softly rubbing his thumb against my cheek.

And I felt safe.

He made me feel safe.

"I love you and I want this." I whisper, his forehead still warm against mine. "But it doesn't stop me from being scared."

"I know." He assures me. "But there's no rush... It's completely up to you."

"You want children." I swallow, remembering our conversation after the miscarriage.

"Yes, but I want you more." He tells me. "And if you don't want the same things as me then that's fine, I can deal with that Carla, because I love you."

"But I do." I persist, moving away from him hesitantly. "I do, Nick. I'm just... It's something that I never thought would happen... But with you. I do, I want this, I want us."

"You have me." He promises, running his fingers through my hair again. "You have me, no matter what happens.

"...Did you really think I was good with Lewis?" I bite my lip slightly and he smiles, warmly, looking down at our entwined hands.

"Do you know what I thought?" He whispers, not meeting my eye. "I thought how lucky I was, to have a woman as beautiful and caring as you. I thought that you looked like a mother. You always _have_ been a mother Carla and you always will be a mother to your baby girl. Honestly? I thought... When you said, 'maybe I will', I think that all my dreams came true. Everything I ever wanted, in that moment."

"...Then let's do it." I confirm and he finally looks up at me.

"Yeah?" He smiles. "And you mean it? You're not just saying this because I-"

"Nick." I stop him, before pressing my lips to his as the warmth emanates from the both of us. "Since when have I ever done something for someone else? Hey?"

"Shall I order the Chinese?" He diverts the subject, though my appetite has gone rather dry since our discussion.

"No. But I would like another glass of wine." I argue and he gives me a look. "What? If I'm gonna be giving up the booze for nine months, I'm gonna bloody enjoy it now."

"Mm..." Nick chuckles slightly before kissing my neck. "So we're actually doing this?"

"Are you trying to put me off?" I quote him, from the night we got engaged. "No time for dinner, we've got a baby to make." I pull him off the sofa suddenly and he chases me into the bedroom before slamming the door closed, laughter emitting my lips.

* * *

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	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

"Morning." Nick nods at me as he enters the kitchen in his dressing gown, padding over to the cupboard where the cereal was kept. I flash him a smile as he sits down opposite me and I continue to munch on my toast, avoiding his gaze. "Feeling ok?"

"Fine." I nod, although part of me wishes I wasn't. We had been trying for a baby for four weeks now, and may I assure you, it was a shattering experience. I was beginning to feel like some sort of amusement park.

"I know what that means, remember?" He points out.

"No seriously, I'm ok, just... Tired." I shrug.

"I'm not surprised." He laughs, before coming over to me. He tilts my chin with his finger so that I look into his eyes. "You're not having second thoughts?"

"I think it might be a bit too late now... Well I wish it was." I force a smile. "But no, I'm just... Worried about... It's been four weeks."

"These things take time." He soothes, his eyes moving to my shiny hair which he runs his fingers through gently.

"I don't know it's just... When you don't want one... It's there and when you actually do they won't... _It_ won't, work." I stutter.

"Ta very much." He shrugs and I give him a look.

"We all know you have no problem making babies Nicholas, you've done it enough times." I remind him and his face falls slightly. That was a stupid thing to say. "Sorry... Sorry that was horrible of me."

"It's ok." He shakes his head, squeezing my shoulder gently.

"But I mean... What I was trying to say is that... It's me, you know?" I sigh, but I could tell I was just confusing him further.

"You've been pregnant before." He virtually whispers it, afraid to bring the subject up.

"I know and look how that ended." I raise my voice slightly before getting up and heading over to the bathroom. I was going to snap at him if I didn't isolate myself and I didn't want to do that, it wasn't his fault.

"Carla come out." He knocks on the door softly and I jam my hands over my ears to try and block out the noise. "We can talk or just cuddle if you want?"

"I'm going in the shower." I lie, turning the water on and immediately progressing to root through the cupboards, grabbing one of the spare pregnancy tests we had bought a few weeks back.

Nick doesn't knock again, he leaves me. I knew he hadn't left the flat, but he had left me in peace and I knew why.

He knew exactly what I was doing.

He would be sat there on the sofa now, crossing his fingers and waiting for me to emerge.

But at least when the negative sign appears, it means I don't have to admit it to him.

And it does.

And it hurts again.

And I feel useless and empty.

And I slide down the wall, pulling my knees up to my chest, listening to the sound of the water hammer against the floor and think about my baby girl. I wanted a baby so badly now and yet I was prepared to get rid of her. But I never could have, I knew that once she was inside me, she was mine, mine to protect and mine to love. But she didn't realise that. Not soon enough. To be honest it was a blessing for her.

* * *

It's an hour before I finally open the door, slowly, peering out at Nick, who was sat in the arm chair, looking at me. He knew, else I wouldn't have spent an hour crying. The crying you could hear over the sound of the shower, working so hard to cover me.

"...I'm sorry about the water bill." I finally muster, clinging onto the bathroom door in case my legs gave way. He doesn't laugh, it wasn't the sort of joke you laugh at, it was the sort of joke you say so that you don't break down again. But I was, because as soon as I see Nick it all comes flooding back to me and I can't stay strong. Not when I'm doing this for the both of us.

"Come here." He stands up immediately, as I lean back against the door frame, aiming to sink towards the floor because I felt so weak. But he had pulled me into him and was rocking me gently. "I've got you, I'm here sweetheart... It's alright."

"I've never wanted anything as badly as... Our future." I cry into him, tears staining his shoulder. "Not Liam, not Peter. I just want her back... Nick, I want her to know how much I really loved her. I want to be a mother. I want to show my child what it means to be loved and accepted and appreciated. I just want this, I want us... Is that too much to ask? Even for me?"

"Of course it's not." Nick whispers into my hair, continuing to rock me for as long as he needed to. "You will Carla. I promise you, you will."

* * *

We spent the afternoon doing nothing. I was curled into Nick on the sofa, my fingers tracing over his scan picture that he had with Erica, whilst he told me stories about the plans he made as a dad. He cries, I cry. He laughs, I laugh. We were a ball of emotions today, but neither of us blamed one another.

He tells me stories of how he would lie awake, dreaming about the day he could lift his son or daughter onto his shoulders. Take them down to the beach and show them how to skim stones against the waves. Wipe the ice cream off their chin as they laugh against the salty air, as I wipe the tears from Nick's cheeks. He was not afraid to be weak in front of me. He was damaged, I was broken, but together we fixed each other.

And as intoxicating as it could be at times, it just made us even stronger.

* * *

 _ **Please leave a review! They make my day!xx**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

I'm woken by the sound of a continuous hammering on our front door.

"Leave it." Nick groans, trying to pull me back into bed but I kiss him briefly before hauling myself up.

"Ok I'm coming!" I yell, confused as to how they got up here. I open the door to the flat to see Sarah, standing with Lewis in her arms.

"Do you have any foundation?" She blurts out and my eyes move from the baby to her, it was too early to function. "I'm supposed to be going to the job centre this morning, but I can't find it anywhere and Bethany's taken hers on this trip she's on."

"...Come in." I mutter, beckoning her forwards and closing the door behind her.

"It's six thirty." I point to the clock on the wall, yawning as I do so.

"Yeah I know and I'm supposed to be there by seven." She hurries me. "I can't leave the building in this state, you're my only hope."

"You make it sound like I'm an alibi." I raise my eyebrows.

"Who is it?" Nick calls from the bedroom.

"Sarah." I reply and the door opens after a couple of seconds.

"What are you doing here?" He rubs his eyes.

"I need foundation, urgently." She pesters and I huff before heading into the bedroom and retrieving mine for her.

"Thanks you're an angel." She takes it from me before lumbering me with Lewis, who I hold like a potato in the position she had handed him to me in. I adjust my arms so that he was lying comfortably against my chest and give Nick an awkward look. This isn't what I needed right now, of all the things.

"So, day out to the job centre ey?" I ask Lewis, despite the fact he was fast asleep, it was really just to dig at Sarah, who was applying her make up in the living room mirror.

"Ah, about that." She bites her lip before turning to me. "I was wondering if you would have him for a few hours?"

"Why?" Nick frowns at her.

"Because I can't take him with me!" She exclaims.

"Why not?" Nick indicates to the baby lying in my arms. "Free... Promotion and all that... Job centre's love a woman with a kid, helps you pull off the sob story."

"I'm being serious Nick!" She replies, placing my foundation back on the side. "Bethany would usually do it, with it being the weekend and all, but she's off on this trip and David and Kylie are taking the kids to Alton Towers for the day."

"Why can't they take Lewis to Alton Towers?" Nick persists. "Or what about mum?"

"Nick it's fine, we'll have him." I sigh, doing anything to shut them up.

"You will?" Sarah beams. "Oh thank you so much!" She claps her hands in appreciation and I force a smile. "...You wouldn't happen to have any eye liner would you?"

* * *

"Dirty nappies, ew." I screw my nose up as I plonk it in the plastic bag. This was something I had never done before, it was so below my persona and if any of the factory girls could see me now, they'd have a field day.

"How you getting on?" Nick asks, coming out of the bedroom once he was dressed.

"Ah, walk in the park this." I mutter, not acknowledging his presence as I hand him the dirty nappy in the plastic bag. "That's going in the outside bin, it's going nowhere near ours."

"Yes boss." He salutes me obediently before disappearing outside the flat.

"See, we can do this can't we?" I smile at Lewis, fastening the final flap over on the nappy and gazing at him in amazement. "Hey? I did it. I actually did it." I exclaim before picking him up and shaking him slightly like a doll. "Stays on and everything... Wow." I hold him closer to my body, standing up and jigging him around gently. "I actually changed a nappy. Who would have thought, ey?"

"Impressive." I hear Nick's voice from behind me and spin around.

"That was quick..." I mumble, slightly embarrassed that he had witnessed me rejoicing something that other women found so simple.

"It's good practice, this." Nick smiles, coming over and wrapping his arms around my waist. I don't appreciate the comment, despite the fact he was only trying to be nice. It had been almost two months now and I had witnessed more negative signs than a student's maths book.

"Yeah well... Just trying to keep things ticking over." I shrug, as he pulls faces at Lewis over my shoulder.

"I was thinking..." He trails off and I squeeze my eyes shut in anticipation. "Why don't we go to the Red Rec this afternoon? Your comment earlier made me think."

"What comment?" I frown.

"About it being a walk in the park." He laughs, before retracting his arms from around my waist.

"When do I ever go for a walk in the park?" I ask him.

"Well you don't." He shrugs. "But you'll be doing a lot of it when you-"

"Ok stop." I snap at him, which I immediately regret and Lewis looks up at me, his eyes wide. "Oh God sorry..."

"No uh..." Nick mumbles, apologetically. "I'm sorry, I'll quit banging on about it."

There's a short silence where we avoid eye contact. Nick coughs awkwardly and I adjust Lewis' fluffy socks to busy myself. Why was I so on edge? We had been given the opportunity to spend a day with our nephew and I was ruining everything as always.

"Come on then, let's get you in your push chair." I pipe up, strapping him in before clicking my fingers at Nick. "Shoes, come on, we're going to the park."

* * *

"Can I say something?" Nick says quietly, as we walk through the park, pushing the pram in front of me.

"Can't promise I won't bite your head off." I smile at him, stopping in the middle of the path to place a hand on his shoulder. "I am sorry about... How I've been."

"...I'd say it was hormones but I don't want to..." He mutters, so quietly I can barely hear him. It was as if he was scared of me. I didn't want that, ever.

"It's just because I'm so... Well it's big, you know?" I sigh, his gaze meeting mine. "Every day that goes by, it's like more hope is just slipping away and it's taking its toll... I'm sorry about that, honestly I am. I just want to make us both happy."

"Carla." He whispers, leaning his forehead against mine. "You will always make me happy. No matter what happens, ok? I love you."

"I love you too." I smile, kissing him for a few seconds before a set of footsteps begins to near us.

"What a beautiful little darling." An old woman beams and we snap away from each other instantly. She peers into the pram, pulling back the blanket to get a closer look. "Sorry to interrupt you."

"No, no it's fine." I cough, as Nick squeezes my hand gently.

"What's his name?" She asks me, not making eye contact.

"Lewis." I inform her and she makes little humming noises contently.

"Hello Lewis." She smiles at him. "Mummy and daddy are lucky to have a beautiful boy like you, aren't they?"

My blood freezes.

Nick is stood, wincing beside me.

We wait for each other to correct her, but neither of us does.

And it stays that way.

"Nice to meet you." She nods, waving us off as she walks away. I dare to look at Nick. I felt guilty and I didn't know why. He's biting down hard on his lip, chewing it awkwardly before finally formulating some words.

"Well..." He mutters and I start to laugh then, and he is laughing too. We're both shocked as to what has just happened, but it felt warm and it felt right and now we were both absolutely sure of what we wanted. "So that's how it feels."

* * *

 _ **Please review!x**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5:**

"Hiya." Michelle greets me as I enter the Rovers, dumping my bag on the side of the bar. "Ohh, red wine is it?"

"Yeah." I begin and then re-think the idea. I had been trying to steer clear of the booze to see whether it had any impact on my fertility, but so far it was doing a fat lot of nothing. "Actually scrap that, Chelle, make it a sparkling water."

"Sparkling water?" She repeats, grabbing a bottle from the fridge and presenting it in front of me with a glass. She stares at me, confused for a few seconds before false realisation sets in. "Oh my God... You're not-"

"No I'm not." I snap, more aggressively than I intended and she looks a bit let down by this. "...Unfortunately."

"Ey?" She frowns. "What do you mean..."

"Any chance we can go through to the back?" I ask her and she nods, hesitantly before inviting me through.

"So come on then, what's all this about?" She closes the door to the back room behind us, as I take a seat at the table.

"This is between you and me." I tell her. "And Nick, obviously."

"Yeah?" She persists, sitting down opposite me, a worried look on her face.

"We've been trying for a baby." I explain and a display of shock and excitement clouds her expression.

"Oh my..." She gasps, a hand flying over her mouth. "I didn't think you wanted children?"

"Well I didn't, did I?" I sigh. "Until well... Times have changed Chelle and now I want it more than anything."

"...How long?" She inquires, aware that there was a catch to the situation.

"Almost three months." I admit and she nods understandingly. "Still nothing. Test after test... Why is it so hard?"

"Well I mean... I would answer that but I was fifteen. It was an accident." She reminds me.

"Yeah as was my last pregnancy!" I exclaim. "This just makes no sense... Well it does..."

"What do you mean?" She props herself up on her elbows, studying me intently.

"Well I'm not getting any younger am I?" I gulp. "Maybe I'm too old now or I don't know... I missed my chance, I shouldn't have spent so long messing around."

"Life isn't something you can plan out in advance." Michelle gives a slight laugh. "You didn't _decide_ to fall in love with Nick. You just did, at the time you did and it couldn't have happened any sooner or later."

"But maybe that's it!" I raise my voice slightly. "It's nature's way of telling me; as it has done all my life, that maybe... I can't... My childhood, my own mother. The miscarriage. All the failed relationships. The factory. It's all adding up to mean one thing."

"Ok stop it." Michelle interrupts me. "I can say, without a shadow of a doubt, that you would be an excellent mother. You will be."

"I'm not disputing that... For once, I'm actually not." I sigh, putting my head in my hands. "I'm saying that perhaps getting to that point might not be possible... It's been three months... Which is partly why I came here today..."

"Go on." She prompts.

"This is big..." I warn her. "And you would need time to think obviously... I'm not pressurising you into doing anything and I would never think any less of you, whatever happens-"

"Carla." She stops me from panicking and I meet her gaze finally.

"I was wondering..." I swallow, my legs shaking beneath the table. "Whether... If there was a need to, whether you would consider being our surrogate."

The room falls silent, there's a short space of time in which I debate whether Michelle was in shock, or whether the world had just frozen around me. What a stupid thing to ask. Could I sink any lower?

"...Wha..." Michelle murmurs, trying to pull herself out of her trance. "Uh... Wow.. Wow."

"It's stupid, forget I said anything." I stand up quickly, ashamed of myself and humiliated as I head for the door. "Sorry, uh, I can't believe I said that, it's stupid-"

"Carla stop." She grabs my arm but I try to pull away. "It's _not_... It's not, stupid, at all."

"I don't know why..." I mutter. "I just..."

"Sit down, please." She begs me and I look at her awkwardly for a few seconds before giving in. I sit down, my fingers dancing around the base of my glass. We sit in silence again, before my cravings overtake me.

"Screw this, I need a glass of wine." I snap, getting up again.

"Carla!" She yells and I fold my arms like a child after sitting down obediently. "It's a huge thing that you've asked of me."

"Yeah I know that!" I exclaim.

"You're my best friend..." She trails off. "You're like a sister to me, you know? If I was going to do something like this for anyone, it would be you. I would do anything to see you happy."

"It's not just happiness, Chelle." I whisper, looking her dead in the eyes. "It's everything to me... I mean it."

"I know." She takes my hand in hers. "But it's a massive thing Carla, you're asking me to give up my body. It'll put a strain on my marriage. To go through excruciating pain for-"

"Ok don't sugar coat it." I wince. "There's still a chance I might... Look I'm not saying, this is happening now. I'm asking you, in case it was an option in the future. No decisions have to be made now... Ok? Look I need to go... I'm going to this clinic with Nick this afternoon."

"Clinic?" She frowns.

"To see what's going on... Sort of... Thing." I shrug. "We had some tests done a week ago to see if something is wrong... Or whether... I don't know, I don't know what it is really but it's gonna help us, right?"

"Course it will." She squeezes my hand and I gaze at her for a few seconds before getting up.

"Thank you." I say, squeezing her shoulder before leaving.

* * *

"Carla will you sit down?" Nick sighs, looking up from the newspaper he was reading as I paced the waiting room anxiously.

"I'd rather keep busy." I wring my hands nervously before hesitantly sitting down next to him. We sit in silence for a few seconds before I dare to say what has been on my mind. "If it's me... Which it most likely will be... I won't blame you if you want to go off with someone-"

"Stop." He says, softly. I know he would have snapped had we been in a different situation, but we were both scared and emotions were running high. "I'm not going anywhere, no matter what happens."

"...I hate places like this." I mutter, diverting the subject as I cast my eyes around the room. "White walls, white floors, white... Ceilings. Reminds me of the last clinic I went to."

"That was a week ago." He points out, putting his arm around me.

"No... The first time." I mumble. "When I thought of... When I went with Chelle to the... How times change. Now I'm here for the opposing reason."

"Nick and Carla Tilsley?" A man appears, his hands clasped in front of him and my heart stops beating. Shit. I was so scared. I don't think I had ever felt this nervous in my life; not even when Tony was pointing a gun at me, or Peter confessed his feelings. This was a completely new experience and Nick has to grab my hand in order to guide me towards the room.

It was white, again. Machines decorated the place, a solid oak desk lay before us when I seated myself uncomfortably, watching as the doctor folded his arms and looked at us intently.

"We've had your results back." He informs us, as if we didn't already know the reason we were here. "The reason you are having difficulty conceiving, is due to a case of endometriosis."

"...Ok, I get that you have a degree and all that." I lash out, already knowing this wasn't good news. "But you're gonna have to spell that out to me, because as hard as it is for you to believe, I'm not all that clever."

"Endometriosis is a uterine infection." He explains and I pick up on the word which makes my heart sink. It was me. It was my fault. I'd known it from the start. "It's a disease in which the uterine tissue grows outside the womb, or is often faulty."

I force back tears, I didn't want to cry, not now, not here. But my chest ached, as if my heart had literally just been shattered by the words he had said.

"...So, what..." I say weakly, struggling to formulate a response. "Uh... Do I need an operation or..."

"It's a mild to moderate case." He continues. "But it can't be treated by operation, no."

"But I... I was pregnant." I swallow, my throat aching from the restraint in my emotions. "I have been before."

"Yes, we had that written in our files." He checks them over briefly. "It's quite often that, if pregnancy is to occur, it won't be carried to full term."

"So you're saying, the reason she miscarried last time, was because of this... Disease thing." Nick finally manages to speak, taking my hand as he does so and squeezing it gently.

"Not necessarily." He shakes his head. "It could have been due to stress, age or anything for that matter, we can never know for certain why a woman miscarries. But like I say, it's a moderate case at worst-"

"Yeah you keep saying that." I snap, raising my voice angrily. "Except I don't know what that means."

"What I'm saying is that you still have a chance of conceiving naturally." He tells us, and that relieves some of the pain, but I knew there was still a catch. "But it's unlikely to occur... And, without causing any offence, Carla; you're not in your most fertile years any longer, which can have added effect on your chances."

"What are the options?" Nick jumps to the point and I close my eyes, imagining I wasn't here.

"The most common method of impregnation in women who suffer from endometriosis is in vitro fertilisation, more often referred to as 'IVF'." He explains. "But other routes taken are surrogacy and then of course, adoption."

"...IVF, that's like, test tube babies right?" I recall.

"In some references, yes." He nods, making a note on his piece of paper. "If you chose to proceed down that route, we could take Nick's sperm, your egg Carla and conceive outside the womb, before implanting it back inside of you."

"And that would raise the chances?" Nick asks.

"It's often very successful." He agrees. "Especially the first time round, but obviously we couldn't guarantee anything and it costs a fair bit to undergo the surgery."

"Money isn't important." Nick inputs and I look at him. Money wasn't important. He would do anything to have a child, with me, of all people. Yet I was the one denying him the chances.

"So what do we do now?" I bite my lip.

"Go home, think about your options." He advises us. "There's lots of information on the internet you can research. Then come back in a week or two once you have made a decision. I'll give you a contact number." He scribbles down the his mobile number. "In case you want to contact me with any questions and may I stress; don't give up with trying to conceive naturally, like I said, there's still a chance you could get pregnant through that method."

"Thank you." Nick smiles at him and I give a nod, unable to produce any words. My head was filled with words and emotions, crammed full of new advice and information that right now I had no place to store anywhere. I am prompted by Nick, taking my hand and guiding me towards the door. "We'll be in touch."

* * *

 _ **Please leave a review!xx**_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6:**

I'm weak by the time we finally reach the flat. Our journey home had been silent, with just the sat nav woman for company. Nick heads straight over to the kitchen, placing the keys down on the side before putting the kettle on. He wouldn't break, not when he knew I was about to. I wanted to be strong for him; this was my fault, it was all down to me. He could marry any normal woman and have as many normal children as he wanted and live a perfectly normal life.

But he hadn't.

He had chosen me.

And I was far from normal.

I don't move from where I am propped up against the door, despite the fact my legs were so fragile beneath me. I watched him; every single move he made. The simple tap of the work surface, the intricate wring of his hands as he washed them at the sink, the slightest cough, every footstep, every breath taken. It was all so perfect. And yet he was so far from it. But in my eyes he was; in my eyes he was all I had ever wanted, without me even knowing it. He was so beyond what I anticipated, but so close to what I needed. He made me feel like no other man ever could. He gave me the world, his world, he was devoted to me. He wanted to show me what it meant to be loved and he didn't have to try. He wanted to show me how it felt to love someone, really love someone, without having to try. Without having to to pray, or dream, or pretend. He was safety. He was warmth. He was shelter. He was dependence. He was my everything.

"I'm sorry." The words escape my mouth before I can stop them. At first I wonder whether he actually heard me, my voice was so weak, so quiet. But he eventually turns to look at me, taking in where I was slumped against the door, my make-up smudged, tears sliding silently down my cheeks. He just shakes his head at me, gulping back his own tears that he wanted to cry to badly. He comes over to me slowly, and pulls me away from where I am frozen against the door, wrapping his arms around my shivering frame.

* * *

"Can I have a glass of wine?" I ask, quietly and Nick gives me a look.

"That's up to you." He says, running his fingers up and down my arm soothingly. We were squashed up on the sofa, with the TV turned down low.

"It's alright..." I trail off. "Don't think my... Diseased womb would like it anyway."

"Carla." He sighs. "Stop with the self blame, please."

"But I am to blame." I point out, fiddling with the tassels on the cushions. "Don't kid yourself Nick, you'd be far better off without me... With some woman who can give you a chance to be a dad."

"But you can!" He exclaims. "You're missing the point Carla. We can still have children. He said we need to weigh up our options."

"Sometimes might not carry to full term." I repeat the words of the doctor.

"Sometimes." He reminds me. "Plus he said that IVF raises the chances of success in pregnancy."

"Yeah I know but... If you wanted to go back to Leanne-" I stop, a thought crossing my mind. "Hold on... Leanne can't have children. You left her."

"Yes because we weren't working, Carla." He tells me. "I married her the second time round, knowing that she couldn't have-"

"And Erica..." I interrupt, my own thoughts taking over. "You were only with her for the sake of the baby... Then you left when she miscarried-"

"Because I loved you!" He stops me and I look at him. "I left Erica, because I didn't love her, Carla. It had nothing to do with the fact that she just lost our baby. It was because I couldn't get you out of my head. I wanted a future with _you_ ; children or no children. You were all I wanted."

"Nick, you're in your thirties..." I whisper, as if I hadn't just listened to the words he had said. "You could go off and marry some younger woman, who was fully fertile, and have little... Benjamin and Katie Tilsley... Maybe even Nick Jr. I wouldn't put it past you, you deserve happiness Nick. Not... Some damaged... Broken woman like me... Who has to pay to have things mixed about and then put back inside... Only to reappear nine months later... If I got that far."

I stop talking when I hear the sound of Nick crying next to me and it makes my heart sink. Why did I have to bang on about myself forever? Wallowing in self pity all the time.

"No..." I whisper, sitting up from where I was leant against him and gently wiping the tears from his cheeks. "Please don't... Nick, I'm sorry..."

"Stop saying that word." He murmurs, pulling himself together slightly before placing a lingering kiss on my forehead and smoothing down my hair. He held me tightly for a few seconds, as if he never wanted to let me go. "I just wish you would understand..." He moves his position so that he was looking into my eyes, forehead leant against mine, stroking my cheek with his thumb softly. "You can't bring yourself to believe me, when I say that I love you. No one else. You're my wife. No matter what happens, I will always love you and you can push as much as you like, but I'm not going anywhere, I thought you would know that by now."

"I do." I close my eyes briefly, allowing another tear to stain my cheek. "It's just the shock, and the hurt, almost. It hurts Nick. It hurts that I can't be like other women, I never can be and I never will be. I'm trying, but there's always something that gets in the way."

"But I don't want you to be like other women." He sighs. "I want you to be you, because that's the woman I fell in love with, with any flaws you have, I don't care, I embrace them all. They are part of who you are."

"...I want a baby." I say weakly, before he wraps me back in a hug.

"And you'll have one." He stifles a laugh. " _We_ will have one, whatever I have to do to make that happen. I promise you, we will have a child."

* * *

 _ **Thank you all for reading so far and thank you for the lovely reviews!x**_


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7:**

 _ **Dedicated to Liv and Deena, love you both xx**_

"Hey." Michelle calls as she enters the flat through the readily opened door. "Just thought I would pop in and see how things went yesterday."

"Oh I wasn't aware you knew..." Nick frowns and I bite my lip awkwardly.

"Yeah, sorry..." I mutter. "I kind of told her we were trying and... Things."

"Things, meaning?" Nick prompts and I exchange a look with Michelle.

"You didn't tell him you were gonna ask me?" She stares at me, wide eyed and I shrug.

"Ask you what?" He persists looking from Michelle to me inquisitively.

"I just asked if... She would ever consider... Carrying our baby, had we needed to." I mumble.

"Carla!" Nick splutters. "You can't just ask people that!"

"Well I was panicking wasn't I?" I exclaim. "Plus, it's not just anyone, it's Michelle."

"Anyway, whatever you agreed on, we won't be needing your service thank you." Nick informs her.

"Hold on, don't throw it away like that!" I argue. "We might still take you up on that offer Chelle."

"I'm not a fast food counter!" She interrupts us. "You're not just asking me to make you a hamburger... This is serious, it's a child guys."

"Yeah, sorry." Nick coughs. "That was incredibly rude of us."

"So maybe you'd like to answer my earlier question." She prompts and I sit quietly on the sofa, until she sits down next to me, pulling my head onto her shoulder.

"It's me." I say, quietly, as Nick heads off to put the kettle on. "I have... Uh... Some disease I can't remember in my uterus."

"Endometriosis?" She questions, instantly and I give her a look.

"When did you get so smart?" I laugh.

"My mum had it." She explains, which makes me even more confused.

"But... Your mum had three kids." I frown and she nods.

"It doesn't prevent you from having children Carla." She strokes my hair gently. "Paul and Liam were IVF babies, when they actually had money before dad's accident. I was a surprise naturally conceived one, after the boys had been born."

"...And you all turned out happy and healthy?" I clarify.

"You can answer that, you saw more of them than me." She winks and I brush her off before her face falls slightly. "They wanted children so badly, you know? I think... That's why they were so devastated following their deaths... Because they would have done anything for them, and me. They just wanted to protect us with all they had..."

"Here." I hand her a tissue, pulling it out of the box on the coffee table and she smiles at me appreciatively.

"All I'm saying is, don't think that, that's it." She kisses me on the forehead before standing up. "I know you're gonna be great parents, whatever you decide to do."

"Thank you." I whisper and she squeezes my shoulder briefly, waving at Nick as he sees her out. He pauses for a second as he closes the door, before coming over and sitting down next to me, pulling me closer to him.

"We shouldn't be arguing about this." He tells me, placing kisses into my hair.

"Yeah, sorry." I nod, before looking up at him. "And I'm sorry about what I said to Chelle."

"She's your best friend." He sighs, as I slip my legs over his lap. "I'm surprised you didn't say anything sooner... And as for the surrogacy thing, at least you were prepared."

"Hmm..." I smile up at him as he kisses me softly. "I don't want to do surrogacy though."

"No?" He moves his fingers through my hair, relaxing me.

"I think one day we could adopt." I suggest. "A little girl maybe, like me. Imagine if someone had adopted me? Taken me in, given me a warm home, unconditional love, acceptance. A childhood. I would love to do that for someone else, Nick. Give them the life I never had."

"You're going soft, you." He chuckles slightly, breathing in the scent of my shampoo. "You said one day..."

"I think... If you are happy with it... I think we should try this IVF thing first?" I murmur. "Because I'm not getting any younger and well... I really want to carry a child Nick. I want to have that connection, like I did with her. I want to feel them growing inside of me, every kick, every craving. I want to grow with them. I want to give birth to them. Me; I want to give birth! What's happening to me?"

"You're becoming a mother." He replies, seriously and I can't prevent the tears from cascading down my cheeks at this. He was right; I already loved my child. Despite the fact they hadn't been conceived yet, I still loved them, whoever they were, whoever they wanted to be.

* * *

"Did you say ham or cheese?" Nick calls from the kitchen, but I can't answer, because I am stood, frozen up against the bathroom wall. I was pretty certain my heart had stopped beating a few minutes back, all set to drop dead at any second. I feel the cold feeling of the wall tiles behind me and push myself forwards. "You alright in there? You've been a while."

"...I'm pregnant." I manage to muster, emerging from the bathroom and standing motionless against the doorframe.

"Wha..." He whispers, studying me carefully, his gaze was so intense it could shatter my fragile figure at any second. I swallow hard before holding out the pregnancy test I had just taken, my hand shaking so I have to cling on to it for dear life. He walks towards me slowly, before taking it from my hand. I watch as he stares at it, taking in the two blue lines that he was faced with, before looking back at me. "I don't... Oh my..." He tries to formulate some kind of words before exhaling sharply, he looked as nervous as I did.

"You need to do another one." He tells me and I nod, heading back into the bathroom. I was a bit unsure as to how Nick seemed to think I could just urinate on cue, as if I was some sort of drinks machine. But eventually despite his persistent, pacing footsteps outside the door, I am done.

"Ok." I call and the door opens immediately, he stares at me as I wave it around, like some sort of magic wand, awaiting the result.

"Calm down." He tries to balance his voice.

"Calm down?" I repeat. "Nicholas I'm shitting myself."

"Least we're in the bathroom." He shrugs.

"Don't." I snap, trying to prevent the smile from showing.

"What made you take it the first time?" He asks, making small talk. My stomach was so full of butterflies, I felt as if I was about to make a speech on live television, times one hundred.

"I was sick." I mutter.

"You're sick, take a test." He says to himself and I hold my breath before passing it to him.

"You look." I bite my finger nails and he squeezes his eyes shut briefly before looking down at it. As soon as his face breaks into a smile I feel so relieved and yet so much more nervous.

"Yeah?" My breathing rate speeds up suddenly as I burst into tears and he wraps his arms around me instantly.

"I'm so proud of you." He whispers in my ear, and he was crying too, I could tell because my hair was beginning to get soaked with tears. "I love you so so much, you've made me so happy."

"Can I see it?" I pull away from him, reaching for the pregnancy test, still shaking like crazy as I look down at it, taking in the double line. "Mm." I mumble, tears spilling out of my eyes as I hold back laughter before looking up at him. "We're having a baby."

"Yeah." He nods, lifting my chin with his finger and kissing me gently before pulling me back into him, his embrace comforting. "We're having a baby."

* * *

 _ **Surprise! Leave a review if possible xxx**_


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8:**

"How's little one feeling this morning?" Nick rolls over, his face brushing against mine before he kisses my cheek and rests a hand on my tummy.

"Mm... Little one is good, just a bit hungry." I bite my lip as Nick continues to place kisses onto my neck.

"Oh right, and what might he or she want then?" He laughs into my skin and I relax at the feeling of him so close to me, so loving.

"I think they might want a bacon butty." I smile, as his eyes meet mine.

"Hmm, not you though?" He checks and I shake my head playfully.

"No, I've got to eat it for the baby's sake." I giggle, as he traces his fingers around my belly button.

"You know, you've got to be so careful." Nick whispers, seriousness laced in his tone now. "This is our miracle baby, we've got to look after them."

"Oh right." I nod. "So I'll be kept in the manner to which I'm accustomed ey?"

"Enjoy it." He uses his other hand to massage my scalp gently. "I'll be waiting on you hand and foot from now on."

"Ah, I could get used to that." I sigh, meeting his gaze for a few seconds. "However, my bacon butty doesn't seem to be in preparation mode so I may have to sack you if you're not careful."

"Damn now I'd hate to be your employees." He kisses me once more before getting up. "I'll go and do it now."

* * *

"You can't keep your hands off me today, can you?" I smile as I feel Nick's arms slip round my waist.

"Can you blame me?" He kisses my neck affectionately. "You're so beautiful."

"Mm, nothing to do with the fact that I'm also carrying your baby then?" I grin.

"We should call the clinic, let them know." Nick suggests. "We were supposed to be contacting them with a decision by now."

"...Are you sure?" I swallow, my hands closing around where his were resting on my tummy. "...Nick, let's talk."

"About what?" He frowns as I lead him over to the sofa, taking his hand back in mine.

"...This isn't me being pessimistic, ok? This is me being perfectly honest about the situation." I sigh and the look of confusion in his expression hurts me slightly. "But... They said, didn't they, that it might be hard to carry a baby to full term. Especially if we conceive naturally... I just... I don't want you getting your hopes up too high, it's early days yet."

"...Carla." He is forcing back tears, and I can tell, because once again it seemed like I was doubting myself. But I wasn't, I was doubting the sudden miraculous conception that had fallen upon us.

"Don't Nick." I raise a finger to his lips. "It's just such a shock to the both of us... Despite the fact were trying for months. I don't want all this pressure on me, I can't deal with it... If I... If I lost it now-"

"Please don't say that." He shakes his head and the pain in his eyes express everything.

"No I need to say it." I persist. "Listen, I love this baby and I love you. But... Come on I can't be more than four weeks. A lot of women who are fully fertile and in their mid-twenties can miscarry at this point. Never mind women like me. We need to be prepared for any downfall we might face. I'm not saying it will, I'm just trying to warn you, Nick. Just in case, and please, don't argue with that, or tell me everything is going to be alright because once you've said something I tend to believe it, that's the effect you have on me."

"...Ok." He nods, pulling me towards him so my head can rest on his shoulder. "But I love you, no matter what. Yes? You believe that now?"

"I already did." I whisper, as he strokes my hair softly.

* * *

"I still don't understand it." Nick tells me, pulling another handful of popcorn out of the bag I was holding.

"So they're all from different districts, and two teenagers from each are selected to compete in the Hunger Games." I explain, through a mouthful of popcorn. "Basically they all kill one another."

"So why are they getting fed all these fancy meals and sleeping in posh beds then?" Nick questions.

"Because... Well it's like... Kind of their reward isn't it?" I frown, confused myself as to what was going on. "They're rewarded beforehand I guess... Because they can't be afterwards, can they?"

"You have no clue either do you?" He grins.

"I have a better clue than you." I sass him and he nods patronisingly which causes him to receive a light slap off me, before I click the TV off.

"Hey! I was watching that." He whines and I giggle at this, wrapping my arms around his neck and curling myself into his body. He was so warm, so safe, so secure. "You ok?"

"Mm." I nod, contently, breathing in his comforting scent. "I just want cuddles."

"You're becoming so maternal." He chuckles, folding his arms around me.

"At least I have an excuse." I mumble into him, closing my eyes and breathing in sync with his steady heart beat.

* * *

"Wakey wakey." Nick smiles as I begin to stir, rubbing my eyes as they adjust to my surroundings.

"Mm..." I croak. "I fell asleep? How long for?"

"Two hours." He shrugs.

"You didn't have to stay." I mumble, moving my head so that it was resting in the arch of his neck. "Haven't you got a dead leg?"

"I've got a dead body." He laughs and I smile at this. "But I didn't want to move you so."

"So you just sat there?" I mutter.

"I watched the rest of that film." He tells me. "It was actually pretty good."

"What happens?" My eyes widen. "Did she win?"

"I'm not telling you that." He taps my nose lightly before kissing me. "Because you can't know the ending without living the story."

"How very inspirational Nicholas." I smile, kissing him again before curling back into him.

* * *

 _ **Please leave a review!x**_


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9:**

I push the doors open to the Bistro, seeing Nick working away instantly. I have the urge to go over and throw my hands over his eyes but he turns to look at me before I have the chance.

"Hey." He smiles, as I take a seat and he heads towards me, leaning up against his side of the bar as he kisses me softly. "How did it go?"

"Six weeks." I nod, biting my lip to contain my happiness. "Scan is booked for two weeks time."

"And it was alright?" He stresses, pouring me an orange juice on impulse. "Sorry I couldn't come, I felt awful for leaving you."

"It was only a few minor checks." I tell him. "I'm fine, baby is fine, we just need to keep our fingers crossed for now."

"Ah I'm so happy." He kisses me again, squeezing my hand as I take a sip of my orange juice.

"I need to rest up apparently." I roll my eyes, producing a leaflet from my pocket. "They gave me this as well. No straining tasks, no prawns, no goats cheese, no alcohol, no shoes with a high heel."

"Oh God." He laughs. "Where's Carla Connor gonna go?"

"She already left when she became Carla Tilsley." I grin. "So it's flat shoes for me from now on... But I mean, anything to keep this one as safe as possible, yeah?"

"You've never been so beautiful." He says, spontaneously and I frown.

"You better still be saying that when I'm the size of a house, hormones flying everywhere." I pout, sulkily as I stare down at our entwined hands. "But I can do that, can't I?"

"Do I really need to answer that?" He asks and I look up at him, his gaze full of love and admiration. "You're gonna be amazing, you _are_ amazing."

"Steady on, you." I pull a face. "Full of compliments today."

"Do you want something to eat?" He hands me a menu, despite the fact I probably knew it off by heart by now.

"Yeah, goats cheese tart with a side portion of prawns." I joke and he gives me a look. "I'll have some chips if you've got any going?"

"Chips?" He scoffs and I tap his hand lightly, scolding him with a death glare before he turns to his waitress. "Steph, tell Robert to put some chips in yeah?"

"Sure." She smiles at me before heading into the kitchen.

"Do you want to know something really embarrassing?" I ask Nick once Steph is out of ear shot.

"...Is it gonna put me out of business?" He raises his eyebrows.

"So after my check-up, I passed this toy shop in the precinct." I explain, pulling the little brown teddy out of my carrier bag. "I honestly don't know what's happening to me."

"Ahh." He grins, taking it from me and ruffling its fur. "You bought yourself a teddy bear?"

"Well, it's more for the baby than me." I shrug. "But I guess it's stuck with us for another seven and a half months first."

"Have you named it?" He hands it back to me and I store it back in its carrier bag so as to not be judged by passers by.

"Ah well that was my next point." I rummage around in the bag, pulling out the other item I had bought. "Ok, so I know I shouldn't have, but I thought it might give us some inspiration."

"What?" He frowns, as I hold up the book of names I had purchased. "Carla!"

"Shh!" I raise a finger to his lips, putting it back in the bag quickly.

"I thought you wanted to 'take everything as it comes' and move slowly?" He laughs and I raise my eyebrows.

"Yeah well, nothing wrong with a bit of window shopping." I shrug, putting a hand on my tummy. "Gotta do something to keep me entertained whilst you're undergoing these 'straining tasks'."

"Mm." He kisses me, placing his hand gently on the side of my face as he does so. "I love you."

* * *

"You wanted to see me?" I greet Michelle, entering the back room of the Rovers and she looks up from the magazine she was reading. "Liz let me through."

"Ah yes, sit down." She taps the table and I follow her orders obediently. "I've come to a decision."

"...About what?" I frown. "...I'm not on the X Factor, am I?"

"God help us all if you were!" She laughs and I slap her hand lightly. "No, I've spoken about it with Steve and I've decided... I will carry your child."

Oh shit.

I had completely forgotten about that.

"Uh... Oh..." I stutter, trying to formulate an excuse, any excuse.

"Well don't look too chuffed about it!" She exclaims, pushing her magazine to one side. "It's nothing major I mean, I haven't just offered to birth your child..."

"No... Yeah..." I stare down at the table. "Just shocked... Uh... Michelle?"

"I mean, I've been thinking it through and... It would mean everything to me, to know I had done something like that for you." Michelle explains and my heart sinks. "Plus, you know, it's been a good... Oh almost twenty five years since I last did it, plus I think you'll be a bit more mature than last time. Remember when my bump started growing and you told me all about the stretch marks your mum had, and how they never went away? You were a right pain back then, I'm hoping you might be a bit more supportive this time round, given it's your baby and all. Who would have ever thought, ey?"

"...Mm." I give a slight nod, this was making it even worse for me. "Look Chelle, the thing is-"

"Our Ryan will be happy won't he?" She grins. "It's almost like another sibling for him, and bless him, he's always wanted one. I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty excited. It's like a new adventure... So when are we going to do this?"

"...Do what?" I suddenly look at her, snapping out of my trance.

"The implantation and things." She rolls her eyes. "I get that you're in shock Car! But you must have spoken to the clinic by now, I'm assuming I'll need to go in for tests or something, to check I'm suitable?"

"...Yeah." I nod, what the hell was I doing? "Yeah uh... We'll get it sorted..."

* * *

 _ **Please review!x**_


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10:**

"Hey, what are you doing up so early?" I hear Nick's voice as he leaves the bedroom and flash him a brief smile as he places his hands on my shoulders from behind the sofa.

"Couldn't sleep." I mumble, staring down into my cup of tea that was resting by my tummy.

"Nervous?" He bends down and places a kiss on the top of my head as I nod. "There's no need to be." He sighs, coming to sit down next to me as I place my tea on the coffee table so he would wrap me in a cuddle.

"I just can't..." I begin, my hands shaking so he steadies them, resting his on top

of mine.

"Hey, you went two weeks ago and everything was fine." He points out. "I promise you, it'll all be ok... And then we can tell a few people, yeah?"

"I don't know..." I mutter, still feeling shifty about tempting fate. "Can we just see how we feel after?"

"Suppose..." He nods, although I knew he was disappointed at my lack of excitement. "But it'll all be fine."

* * *

"How's your sickness?" The doctor asks, settling me into the chair and I nod timidly.

"It's lessened a bit the last few days." Nick explains, for me.

"Right okay, I'm going to begin the scan now." She smiles at me supportively, turning the screen to face her. "This might be a bit cold."

"Put up with worse, me." I tell her, as Nick's hand finds mine.

"Right..." She mumbles, positioning the scanner over my tummy. I wait with bated breath as she glides it across the smooth gel, Nick's gaze on the side of my face.

This was taking longer than it should. I could tell; the doctor's expression changed from warmth to concern.

"What's going on?" I manage to murmur, avoiding eye contact with Nick despite the fact his eyes were fixated on my stomach.

"...Uh..." She offers me a sympathetic smile before placing the instrument down. "I'm sorry..."

There's a silence, as I try to formulate some words. Nick releases his hand from mine, covering his face, but I don't look at him. I can't look at him.

Not again.

This was not happening again.

"...What..." I swallow, trying to get a view of the screen. "Sorry?"

"Carla don't." Nick says weakly as I force back tears, force back the lies he told me earlier, force back the past, force back the anger, force back the truth.

"No, it's wrong." I shake my head, aggressively, reaching for the scanner and trying to swipe it against my stomach as she prizes it from my grip. "Please..."

"I'm sorry but there is no heartbeat." She informs me and I can't stop the tears then, they spill from my eyes, pour down my face. Nick is by my side, crying with me, but I still don't look at him. I can't. Not when I've put him through this again. This was all my fault, all my fault that he suffered this heartache, all my fault he could never meet his child.

It hurts.

It hurts more than anything you can ever imagine.

More than when Liam died.

More than when Tony held a gun to my head.

More than when Frank raped me.

More than the guilt of thinking I murdered two innocent people.

It hurts, an unexplainable pain, because you couldn't save your own child, your own flesh and blood. A baby that you loved more than anything else in this world, who you tried to protect, but it still wasn't enough.

* * *

"...Can I get you anything?" Nick asks me, as I sit, numb on the sofa. I manage to shake my head, my hands clasped over my stomach, not moving. I couldn't. I wouldn't.

He doesn't dare sit down next to me. He stands, fragile, just staring at me. I could feel the pain, the sadness in his gaze, but I don't meet it. I don't want to look at him. I don't even want him to be here. I want to be alone, where I could cry and drink until I ached.

Nick pours himself a whiskey, positioning himself on a chair by the kitchen worktop. We don't talk, we just sit in an uncomfortable silence, tears tickling my cheeks as they slide down my face.

"...Don't blame yourself." Nick finally musters, his voice cracking as he says the words.

"Why not?" I murmur. "There is no one else to blame."

"There is no one to blame." He tells me, his voice firm, serious. He stands up, coming over to me and kneeling in front of my shaking body. "Carla." He whispers, but I stare straight ahead, staring at the framed picture of us that lies on the coffee table. We looked so happy. Like I'd told Nick, I wasn't used to it, where me and men were concerned. But in that photo it looked so real, yet we were here. "Carla look at me."

"What?" I snap, turning my head to meet his gaze. "They're gone, Nick. Just like I told you."

"You need to take the tablet." He reminds me and I shake my head. "Carla."

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I scream at him suddenly, standing up, arms folded over my chest defensively. "IT'S MY BODY!"

"I know that." He replies, calmly. "But the doctor said-"

"GET OUT, NICK." I shout, tears streaming down my face.

"Carla." He says softly, his eyes full of hurt. "Please just listen-"

"I SAID GET OUT!" I yell and he stares at me for a few seconds. A stare that I couldn't bring myself to look at.

"...I'll be back in the morning." He nods, grabbing his coat. "Don't do anything stupid."

He leaves. I stand, alone, lost, empty. My hands gripping my tummy out of lost hope. I slide down the wall, collapsing in a heap of tears, shaking like a vulnerable little girl. I was a little girl, I always would be. And I could never, ever be a mother.

* * *

"Carla." I awake to feel Nick's hands on my arm, whispering softly. I was shaking, sweating, tossing and turning. "Carla sweetheart, wake up."

"Stop." I mumble, sitting up abruptly and shifting myself against the pillows. Nick has a lamp on already, and I stare into the distance as I try to steady my breathing rate.

"What happened?" He asks, calmly, offering me a glass of water which I sip gratefully.

"...I lost it." The words escape my mouth and I see the concern in his expression. "I lost the baby."

"It was a dream." He shakes his head, reassuring me. He reaches over to the side table and picks up the scan photo, handing it to me. "See? They're happy and healthy, all tucked up in there."

"Happy and healthy." I repeat, looking at Nick, my fear melting around me.

"You're both safe here." He strokes my hair, moving towards me and wrapping his arms around my frame. "It was a dream, you're going to be fine. It was all just a dream."

* * *

 _ **Surprise! Leave a review and let me know what you thought. Sorry for the delay with this chapter x**_


	11. Chapter 11

_**This is so so delayed and I can only apologise, my writing motivation has been so low and I haven't had time or energy to write anything x**_

 **Chapter 11:**

"I recommend that you don't go into work today." Nick suggests, leaving the bedroom and progressing to put some toast in the toaster.

"Why?" I respond, from the sofa, where I was curled up with a mug of tea.

"Because you didn't sleep last night." He sighs, coming over and placing his hands on my shoulders, gently applying a kiss to the top of my head. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah... Sorry for waking you up though." I mutter.

"Don't worry about that." He places another kiss into my hair. "Anytime... Do you want me to take the day off? We could snuggle up, watch a film or something?"

"No, Nick." I shake my head. "You go to work, I'll be fine."

"Promise?" He looks into my eyes as I tilt my head upwards.

"Promise." I assure him, reaching up to give him a kiss on the lips before he nods, disappearing from the flat.

* * *

 **Nick PoV**

"Hiya." I enter the salon, closing the door behind me. Gran was stood perming an elderly woman's hair, whilst Kylie sat on David's lap, scoffing the tin of biscuits. "Busy day for you two is it?"

"Likewise, else you wouldn't be here." David drones. "What do you want?"

"Charmer, aren't you?" I raise my eyebrows. "I wondered if you would come for a family meal at the Bistro on Friday."

"...Hold on, you're optionally organising a family get together?" Kylie laughs.

"Well just you know, me, you three, Carla, mum, Sarah, Bethany..." I trail off.

"So the whole squad then." David nods.

"It's a wonderful idea Nick lovey." Gran pipes up. "Any occasion?"

"No uh... Just thought we should catch up." I shrug.

"Carla's pregnant isn't she?" Kylie nods, disinterestedly and I glare at them.

"No." I reply bluntly.

"She's totally pregnant." David agrees and they high five one another.

"Look, no need to ruin the surprise." I sigh and Kylie flashes me a victorious grin.

"Oh I'm so happy for you both!" Gran claps her hands, coming over to hug me.

"Yeah yeah, ok, but you don't know yet. Alright?" I check with them and they all nod obediently. "See you soon."

I wave before pulling the door open to the salon and exiting it. How was everything so obvious? I'm so lost in thought that I don't see Michelle, as I bump into her, causing her to drop the folder she was carrying.

"Oh God, sorry." I apologise, picking it up and she brushes me off.

"No, no it's fine." She assures me. "My fault, I was on my phone... Although you don't exactly look wide awake yourself... Penny for them?"

"Ey?" I frown, handing the folder of what seemed to be wedding plans back to her.

"Penny for your thoughts?" She prompts, taking a seat on Maxine's bench, which I join her in doing.

"Oh, nothing, I was up late." I massage my forehead and she places a hand on my shoulder.

"I know it can't be easy for you." She replies, sympathetically and I give her a look. This pregnancy was the best thing to happen to us, surely Michelle knew that more than anyone. "Look uh, I haven't spoken to Carla about it for a few days, but I'm ready to get the ball rolling whenever you are."

"Huh?" I question, looking at her inquisitively.

"Well I went to get checked out like Carla told me to and they said that I'm in good condition." She shrugs. "It's only gonna deteriorate from here so, we may as well get started... Before I back out of the idea!"

"Hold on, what?" I splutter.

"I'm joking, I'm not gonna back out." She sighs. "I know I haven't had a proper chance to talk to you about it, but Carla said you had discussed it and you're both ready for-"

"Ready for what?" I interrupt her and there's a short silence.

"The surrogacy... Thing." She mutters, now cautious of my awareness on the topic.

"When did Carla speak to you about this?" I ask her.

"Well our last chat about it was a few days ago..." She recalls and I nod slowly. "Why?"

"Nope." I shake my head. "Tell you what, come to the flat tonight, about six-ish. We can discuss things..."

"Uh... Ok sure." She nods as I stand up, waving her off before walking away.

* * *

 **Carla PoV**

"You're back early." I frown, tilting my head from the sofa as Nick walks through the door. "Thought you were working late?"

"Yeah well... Clocked off early... Came to see you." I feel his hand brush against my hair, leaning my head against it. "So... Take-away?"

"No." He replies bluntly.

"Oh cooking are you?" I grin and he shakes his head at me.

"Michelle'll be round in a minute." He informs me and I freeze at this.

"Why?" I ask, a lump forming in my throat. I still hadn't brought myself to explain to her that I was pregnant, and Nick was unaware of this. "Oh I uh... I haven't told her yet... By the way... Just so you know."

"Right..." He trails off. "Well maybe you can tell her tonight then."

"Well I'd rather tell her on my own." I interject. "I'm not really up to seeing visitors right now, I'll call her and tell her that I'll speak to her tomorrow."

"Carla. I know-" He begins as a key sounds in the lock and the door opens.

"...Don't ring the buzzer then." I panic and she frowns at me.

"What's the point? I have a key." She points out, before coming over to me with a big folder in her arms. "Anyway, I've come prepared."

"Oh God..." I trail off, my heart racing. Nick was going to hate me, I just knew it.

"Yeah I think Carla has a confession to make." He suddenly interrupts my thoughts.

"No you don't understand." I stop him as Michelle stares at us, confused.

"Why did you tell Michelle that we still needed her for the surrogate?" He suddenly blurts out and my heart stops in my chest. He knew?

"Uh... What?" Is all I can come out with and he raises his eyebrows at me.

"What do you mean?" Michelle chips in and I bite my lip, avoiding eye contact.

"...I'm pregnant..." I stammer and her mouth opens and closes a few times, as she processes the information.

"...Pregnant?" She splutter slightly. "How? When? What? ...How?"

"Well you see, the process of making a baby goes like this-" I begin.

"Trust me I'm aware of that." She cuts me off, glancing at Nick. "Why didn't you tell me this morning?"

"Why didn't Carla tell you weeks ago?" Nick nudges me.

"...I didn't want to tempt fate and..." I mumble, forcing myself to look at Michelle. "...I didn't know what to say... You just seemed so excited Chelle and I felt awful after asking you-"

"Carla." She stops me, placing a hand lightly on my shoulder. "I am so happy for you."

"...Really?" I frown, standing up as she wraps me in a hug.

"Course I am you silly beggar!" She laughs, swaying me gently. "I don't get why you didn't just tell me!"

"...I don't really know." I mutter as she breaks away from me. "Like I said... It was too early to tell you at that point and you were being so kind..."

"I'm relieved." She sighs.

"Honestly?" I frown.

"Seriously, I was dreading going through that again; stretch marks, sickness, labour pains, oh God it's a nightmare." She informs us both and I try to conceal the look of panic in my face. "Sorry... I mean... It's great... Really fun in fact... So I'd better be off then."

"Thanks for popping round." Nick smiles. "Thought it would be good to... Clear the air."

"Yeah, and I'm so happy for you both." She looks at us briefly before heading towards the door. "You're going to make great parents."

"We will, you know." Nick whispers as he wraps his arms around my waist once Michelle has left.

"So you're not mad at me then?" I ask him in a childlike voice and he laughs into my hair before placing a kiss onto the side of my head.

"Why would I be mad at you?" He murmurs. "You're beautiful, amazing, the mother of my child."

"Hopefully..." I pull a face and he spins me round in his arms so I was facing him.

"Listen to me." He leans his forehead against mine. "We're going to be alright, trust me."


End file.
